Stupid Sh*t Married Female Friends Say

  • Being alone is cool!” Oh, really, Stacey? You think so, do you? Then how come you’ve been constantly dating since you were 12.
  • “You’ve got to learn to be comfortable alone!” Oh, really, Stacey? More wisdom about being alone, huh?  How f*cking insightful of you, Stacey! Look, if I wasn’t comfortable being alone then I probably wouldn’t be alone, would I?
  • “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone!” First, Stacey, I’m not worried, so you can stop worrying that I’m worried, ok? Secondly, Stacey, I’m not trying to find “someone”, if I wanted “someone” I could just go scour the local bars, ok Stacey?
  • “There’s more to life than finding a man!” Really, Stacey? I hadn’t noticed.
  • “Men just don’t realise how wonderful you are!” WTF, Stacey, I’m busy building a time machine, I don’t give a sh*t!
  • “It’s good that you have such high standards!” Opens can of beer and starts drinking.
  • “Use this time to learn about yourself!” I’m 30-odd Stacey, I think I know where my clitoris is now, but thanks for caring.
  • “Uncertainty breeds opportunity!” Stacey…. Is this another one of those dumb quotes you found on Tumblr or something?
  • “Learn to love yourself!” Shut the f*ck up, Stacey!
  • “There’s plenty of fish in the sea!” Stacey, d’ya think Todd would mind if I drowned you in the pool?
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