This Funkin White Girl!

God, there’s this girl at my placement who is so funkin white! I mean, I don’t just dislike her cause she’s white, cause I’m white so that would be dumb but what non-whites don’t realize is there are many shades of white. Since I started being around more people from diverse backgrounds, I’ve noticed how white some white people are – not just in person but on TV, the internet, Google image results – it’s like damn, I am blinded by the white! And you know when people say “Becky” or – one I like to include : “Stacey”? Ok, well this white girl is Becky/Stacey on white girl drugs.

She did this presentation to the class and it was the whitest thing I have ever seen since the last super-white thing I saw.  I personally think in todays multicultural world, there is no room for this Stacey/Becky BS, this white-washing of everything.

Ok, let me get to the nitty-gritty before y’all cuss me to hell and back. So she did this presentation and all the pictures in the presentation were of super-white people. Not just white people. They weren’t just white. They were super-white. Like I needed sunglasses to protect my eyes from the blinding white. Like these were pictures of white people who you just know have a mortgage and they got the 2 perfect white kids and a real, friendly white labradoodle and a neat little white picket fence and a joint back account with some really white bank and their super-well-behaved white kids go to the super-good white school and they have a white Range Rover parked on the white marble driveway and they have bbq’s with like vegan sh*t and their super-white neighbors with their equally perfect white kids come over and everything is all very pleasant and no one swears, and then they have vanilla ice cream and sh*t.

And then this presentation had a story in it and I swear to you, it was the whitest story ever! It was some bs like “Todd and Stacey are watching [super-white-people-movie] then Todd says [super-white-people-sh*t] and Stacey says [equally super-white-people-sh*t] and then they both do [super-white-people-sh*t].

Even down to the food they were eating was like super-white-people food. I was like, does this bish not notice how white her presentation is? There is no color in this at all. At all! At all! It wasn’t diverse, it was just white, like the presentation was made in some alternate universe where only white people exist. It was some Pear Soap sh*t.

And she just p*sses me off anyway so I find fault with everything she does. Has anyone ever p*ssed you off and then everything they do p*sses you off? Like the way they walk starts to p*ss you off? Or the way they say a certain word starts to p*ss you off? That’s how I feel about this bish. I don’t even remember quite how it began. But she’s a bish anyway. I don’t like her shoes neither.



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