Getting Braces as an Adult

You know, I’ve been so busy with things, I never got round to telling you guys about my new brace :smiles dorky brace smile:

I had intended to do this whole step-by-step progression thing but I’m not some kid with ample free time anymore, nor do I have a professional camera so….

Ok, here’s a low-down on adult braces. Firstly, your teeth and your orthodontist are different from my teeth and my orthodontist. These differences affect cost, procedure and options. As you can see from the picture above, there are three main kinds of brace:

  1. Expensive (metal)
  2. More expensive (clear)
  3. Really, really expensive (Invisalign)

Everyone wants Invisalign but whether you can have Invisalign depends on your bank balance and your teeth. Get free (if it’s not free – go somewhere else) consultations with at least two orthodontists, do your research and ask every silly question you can think of before getting your hopes up about anything.

Cost: Varies wildly between orthodontists and geographical areas which is why you should get some consultations. Don’t rely on guide prices too much. I got one clear brace for my top teeth (£1250) + a bridge (£750) + got it on finance which = interest (£500) to = a total of £2500. I would say don’t get your hopes up unless you have a few spare grand because you sure as heck don’t get a brace for a couple hundred. And remember, the £1250 was just for my top teeth with no fancy extras.

“Do braces hurt?” No, they’re just uncomfortable. But some people need other procedures before the brace can be fitted so, yeah, that would hurt. And some people complain about their brace being too tight. They do feel tight for the first few days after each adjustment but if it remains too tight, just tell your orthodontist to loosen it – they don’t know how it feels unless you tell them.

Other points of consideration (and ish nobody tells you until it’s too late):

  1. Before fitting the brace, they assault your mouth with plastic things and take lots of unflattering photos. It’s like being molested by aliens.
  2. Your teeth feel like they’re going to fall out and you may hear them crunching about in their sockets when you eat or smile.
  3. And good luck trying to smile. I have a naturally downturned mouth and I look even more like a miserable trout now. If you try to smile you might rip the insides of your checks, which reminds me…
  4. The brace will constantly rip the inside of your cheeks until you develop thick mountains of scars.
  5. You may not be able to eat. For the first month, I was living off soup because I couldn’t feel my teeth. Two months in, it’s a lot better but I still rely a lot on soft food. I just made some corn on the cob and now I’m looking at it like “How do I freakin’ eat this ish?!” and if I successfully manage to eat it then my teeth are going to look like corn exploded on them, because…
  6. All kinds of crud and food bits get stuck in your brace and you become paranoid and carry a toothbrush everywhere and you really hope no one starts talking to you while you’re eating. Sometimes food gets wedged in-between your brace and you’re there tug-o-war-ing with your brace trying to get this damn piece of celery out.
  7. Your teeth and brace stain really bad no matter how much you brush them. You see that top right picture with the nice white teeth and the crystal clear brace? Yeah… that’s not gonna be you. You’re gonna look like a chain smoker. Your ortho will clean your teeth each visit but in the meantime… ew! Another thing is…
  8.  Hard food can break your brace off. I’ve managed not to knock any brackets off – partly because I can’t eat big, solid food anyway. But every month, without fail, I knock my wire out with a peanut. It’s fine, the ortho just fixes it but…
  9.  Try to avoid getting punched or falling on your face because I dread to think what that would while you have a brace in. In fact, you can see pictures online and it’s not pretty.
  10. “6-month smile” may actually be “10-month smile”. Ask your orthodontist for an educated guess before committing. Also, make up some reason your brace needs to be done quickly because they do try to accommodate your needs. I stupidly said I was in no rush and so I end up on an 8 monther when I’m damn sure they could have straightened my teeth in 3 months because after just 1 month my teeth are halfway straight already. This is another reason why it’s best to get several opinions before committing to one orthodontist.
  11. Btw, how quick the brace does its job really depends on your teeth and how they react to the brace (which is unpredictable).
  12. You will forever fiddle with your brace because it’s a foreign thing in your mouth.
  13. Your jaw may start clicking
  14. Because your teeth have moved, your bottom and top teeth may no longer line up, which looks freaky and makes your jaw hurt.
  15. Your lips get super dry because you can’t easily lick them and..
  16. It’s difficult to talk because…
  17.  You feel like you have a real-size train track laid across your teeth and…
  18. You forget what it was like to not have a real-size train track across your teeth because…
  19. 6-10 months is a really, long time to have a train track on your teeth.
  20. The brace will sit on your teeth so that your lip is too high to get under, too low to get over and is just stuck in the middle and you look like a stereotypical dork for 8 funkin months.
  21. Once your teeth are fixed, it’s only a matter of time before you’re gonna want double-F titties and a vagina-lift (or a ball lift if you’re a dude, but heck, I have never seem a 30+ dude with braces because dudes are not insecure, they maintain their egos by putting all their insecurities on women #justsayin).

Annoyingly, some people can look good with braces…imagesirzfi30e

I am not one of these people. You can test this before you get braces: Put some big glasses on and pull a dork face in the mirror, if you look sexy then – congratulations, you are one of those people. I hate you now.

Ok, so I think that’s all you need to know. Except of course, everybody always wants to know about age, right? “Am I too old for braces?” Look, no. Nobody is “too old” for braces. Yours is the face you have to live with for the rest of your life, change it if you want to.

It doesn’t really matter what random losers in the street think about you. Who are they? Losers. Exactly. So why do you care what they think? What matters is what you think. If it’s gonna make you a happier, more confident person then it’s worth it. And besides, maybe you can get the Invisalign and no one will notice.

Initially I was concerned about what people would think and say about the brace but to be honest only two people looked at me and burst out laughing. Three other people asked me about it and no one else said anything. But I am an unpopular f*cker so… your situation may be different.

I wish I could have gotten braces when I was 18 when it would have counted… but tough ish. I’m now 30 something, which as a woman, once you’re past your 20s you become invisible. But I still have to live with me so I’m gonna work on improving me. I just wish I had more money to get those double-F titties…



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s