(*That picture is me standing in the road lookin’ for 30+ bishes)
I’m sorry but, where the F are we? All I see are 20yos and 40yos. Where is my tribe!? I think this is part of my insecurity about being 30+ is that it seems like no other woman in the world is 30+!! Even these damn 29yos seem to be remaining immortally 29!
And, when I do spy a 30+er, then they have a row of kids and a husband and they’re the good little housewife. In fact one woman on the internet told me: “30+ women are happier to stay in the kitchen.” Ok, she didn’t exactly say that but pretty much… She said they’re happier to be at home looking after their evil spawn than achieving anything. Pff! Great! What use is that to me?!
Hey, if you’re a 30+ housewife, I have nothing against you personally – it’s your life, you should do whatever makes you happy. I’m just annoyed I can’t have business lunches with you (‘cause you’re too busy being a man-&-baby-slave) :cough cough: What? No… I didn’t say anything…
Unfortunately, I’m in this weird category of not being the 30+ man-&-baby-slave but also not being the 30+ editor-of-a-fashion-magazine but also not being the 30+ Bridget-Jones-type-crying-over-desire-for-man-&-baby-slavehood but also not being the 30+ happy-to-just-“be” type.
I guess my issue is, I don’t see 30yos like me anywhere! I don’t see 30yos who are single and career-driven but just starting out, just starting to try to get on the treadmill. Everybody is either already there or they’re not interested in being there.
And I really want to go “do lunch” with single, 30+ career-types – this is a freaking dream of mine!!!
Ok, this is what 30 is supposed to look like:
First off – straight up – I look like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, ok? No, no, in the dream mofos, in the dream!
Next, I’m in a fancy café having tea and scones with other 30+ single, powerful, child-less, career-minded women. We all own our own homes and cars, we’re all geniuses, we all look awesome and are confident in who we are and where we’re going in life, oh and we’re all wearing awesome clothes like cashmere coats and stuff.
I want this dream, goddamn it! I’m gonna be 40 in 8-point-something years, and time goes fast in my universe so that’s like 8 months to me! I’m gonna be 40 in 8 months and my “business lunch with the girls” window will close forever. I have nothing to show for my 30s! They’re shit!
I know y’all will say “things can get better…” Well people told me that when I was 5 and 10 and 15 and 20 and 25 and now I don’t listen to people’s bs anymore, ok? I can’t catch a break, the universe hates me.
Instead of being Meg Ryan and wearing cashmere coats and having luncheons with the girls, I’m a lost, gawky-looking, acne-scarred, trout-mouthed, bug-eyed, anxiety-ridden loser living in a rented room with no friends or money.
My life is way off course here!