Trying To Get Ahead

Have you noticed how hard it is to get ahead in life? Not for all of us, of course, just some of us… :side-eyes:

Most of the people I know seem to be doing fine. Perhaps it’s a case of grass-is-greener syndrome but…

I know one woman who lives in a beautiful big house with lots of land and she doesn’t have to work and can spend all day brushing her hair because her boyfriend has a good job. She even had the opportunity to move abroad with him but turned it down. Because her life is so great that, well, it’s just too great and maybe she doesn’t want to overdose on the greatness by taking up such a great opportunity! We should all be so lucky!

Several people in my circle popped out kids to get boyfriend-and-welfare-money, they don’t work and live practically for free.

Some acquaintances of mine – younger than me (how dare they be younger than me!) – have mortgages, cars, families, constant emotional support, and seemingly endless amounts of cash (I need to find where they’re hiding those money trees…).

Other people I see are always getting promoted and are so popular and everyone loves them because they suck ass all day and tell people what they want to hear. They are always being given fantastic opportunities, some of which they turn down, because they can afford to.

I, however… and no, I’m not being self-pitying, just stating some facts… have had to work shitty jobs my entire life, never had a promotion, can’t afford to get a mortgage, can’t afford to buy a car, or any of the other perks that other people seem to have. I don’t understand where I’m going wrong?

I know, I know, I could’ve been born with no arms or legs, I should be grateful. But, y’know, when you look around and you see people living a certain way and you think… HOW!? How did you get that life? And why can’t I get that life? What is your secret?

We compare ourselves with the people we see around us, if they all have X, Y, Z, we feel we should also have X, Y, Z and… why don’t we? Then you start to panic and worry you’re getting left behind. And you wonder… why?! What am I doing wrong?!

Over the last two years, I’ve been trying to test fate and actually make something of my life. But, you know what? Everything I try just falls apart. My friends don’t have to fight for what they want, they just get it. I fight for it and still don’t get it.

I did teacher training but now that’s finished I’m jobless (school’s out for summer, Alice Cooper says so) and sleeping on someone’s sofa at the age of 30-something. I have no home, no car, no kids, no loving supportive boyfriend, my friends ignore me unless they want something, I’m stuck indoors all the time and rapidly incurring debt. I don’t understand where I’m going wrong!!! :frantically squeezes stress ball:

I know what you’re thinking: “You know what, Aliquo? Maybe you have a bad attitude…” You’re right, I do have a bad attitude! But, er, well, so does Donald Trump (god, I hate Donald Trump!) and people put him in charge of a country…, so…, y’know, I don’t think being Mary Poppins is necessarily going to change my situation.

Now, I really wanna do a Masters degree to improve my life prospects. But since I’m only going to do ONE Masters Degree in my life AND it’s 9 months I will never get back, I chose a Masters that would interest me, challenge me and hopefully be a good money earner. Unfortunately, it involves some maths, which I’m not very good at. And I am teetering on the edge of failing my application because I have to do a math aptitude test and I’m now on my third attempt of the damn math aptitude test.

I fear they’re gonna veto me at any moment, because they don’t want fail statistics – but, of course, they still want my money! So I fear they’re gonna drop me down onto the Retard Masters, “for simple people who can’t do stuff” :cries: I know I can learn this math stuff, if they just give me a chance! :toddler tantrum: but that chance seems to be slipping away.

I’m struggling to stay motivated on my third round of this damn test. Doubt is starting to creep in. Maybe everyone’s right about me… maybe I’m useless…

My whole life, people have said:

“No, you can’t do this”, “No, you can’t do that”, “That’s too hard for you,” “You’re stupid”, “We received stronger candidates”, “It was very competitive”, “You’re useless”, “You suck!”, “You’re not quite good enough”.

People say you gotta believe in yourself. But it’s actually kinda hard to believe in yourself when everyone’s telling you you’re not good enough. Sometimes we just need someone to believe in us, someone to say “You got this!” I wish someone would believe in me. Just once.

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5 thoughts on “Trying To Get Ahead

  1. I’m a 7th grade teacher and I know what its like to feel like you want to get ahead but you keep taking 10 steps back. Also, the familiar “No, you can’t do this”, “No, you can’t do that”, “You’re not quite good enough”. Was said to me a few times. I learned that when the world tells me no, God says yes! Thankfully,  as a Christian I worship the God of nothing that’s impossible. So many times Jesus Christ has made a way when the walls were closing in on me. I believe in you, so I encourage you to stay positive and optimistic.

    I will keep you in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate to this, which you will see on some of my blog posts, especially in two of them in June. I wish for a nice home of my own. Even renting is hard work, because not everyone wants someone on benefits.

    Like

    1. Thanks for the comment Liz. I agree, they make it very difficult for people to rent, which isn’t fair. Just because someone is on benefits doesn’t mean they’re unreliable. I’ll have a look at your posts from June. It’s interesting to read about other people’s lives. Hopefully we both get where we want eventually!

      Liked by 1 person

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