London – Day 14: Pretty Girls

I’ve been feeling super lonely today… and kinda miserable. Like, I seem to be surrounded by pretty 20-something girls here in the London hostel I’m currently living at, which just reminds me I’m older and ugly.

I think pretty girls are so lucky because they literally can get anything/everything they want in life – not just from men but women too. Like, people “respond” to them, people want to be friends with them, to hire them for jobs, etc. Whereas if you’re ugly people prefer if you don’t exist or are not seen. It’s tough.

I feel like being ugly as a women can sort of ruin your life. I think of all the opportunities I would have had if I’d been pretty. Maybe I wouldn’t have been treated like shit by every guy I dated, maybe I’d be married now to a loving man who appreciates me (cuz I’m so gosh-darn pretty!).

Men worship pretty girls but punish ugly ones. And make-up can only do so much, y’know? Make-up serves to enhance the beauty of pretty girls, but I put on make-up and look like a tranny or just gross.

And it doesn’t matter for guys, y’know, like they don’t have to be good-looking. These days, super-good-looking women date ugly-looking dudes because – beats me! Cause pretty girls are deep-down insecure? I don’t know! But it’s annoying. I mean, if super-good-looking women are dating fat, ugly old men, what’s left for us ugly women? Ugly, old, fat, drug-addled, alcoholic abusers? And even those guys think they deserve the best looking women and punish other women for not being perfect.

I envy pretty girls, they have no idea how wonderful their lives are just because they were blessed with decent genetics.

I feel like I need some chocolate ice cream right now…


Dating In Your 30s

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m ever gonna meet a guy, before it’s too late…

Everywhere I look, I see couples loved up and making memories together. Every gal I know is perpetually in a relationship and they get to have all those lovely dating experiences like going to the movies, having dinner in a romantic restaurant, trips to the fairground, romantic holidays abroad, or even just cuddling up on the sofa – all that nice relationship stuff that you miss out on when you’re single.

And here’s me sat at a computer with messy hair, eating a massive bowl of cereal, realizing that the only long-term committed relationship I’ve ever been in is with my laptop computer. Well hey, at least it’s reliable!

I mean, I’ve dated more guys than I wish to remember. But most of my relationships don’t last longer than a three-course meal. A three-course meal at McDonalds.

Problem is, like a lot of introverts, I’m picky. Because introverts are generally OK on our own, we end up being less desperate and more choosy. And if we let someone in, they have to fit into our introvert lifestyle otherwise we’d go insane! But that doesn’t necessarily mean we like being alone. Some introverts do. But some of us long for a special connection with someone, to share our life with the right person, to put down roots.

But, it’s difficult to meet men in real life if you’re introverted. Or if you’re over 30. And especially if you’re both.

Dating in your thirties is different than dating in your twenties.¬†First of all, once you’re over 30, most men are already married anyway. Else they have tons of baggage like kids, addiction issues, weight issues, kids, divorce, debts, kids.


Secondly, in your thirties, forty is hanging over you like a big cloud of doom and there’s a sense that, if you’re not already in line, you’d better get in line: get married, get a mortgage, get a family car, have kids, buy a white picket fence, pretend to be living happily ever after. I often relate it to musical chairs. Everyone is trying to find their seat before the music stops (at 40!). Because, like they said in Sleepless in Seattle, you have more chance of getting killed by a terrorist than you have of getting married over 40.


Another problem is that online dating tends to be the go-to for introverts (and us older folks) but trying to meet a guy through online dating is difficult. Trust me, I’ve on-and-off online dated for 10 years. Am I in a loving, committed relationship? Yes! With my computer, remember?

A lot of men online are unstable, insecure, and perverted. They think you’re supposed to marry them by the second date. Or sleep with them within an hour of meeting. Or they’re players. Or they’re psychopaths. Usually all of the above. To be fair, I’ve heard a lot of women on dating sites are just as bad. Online dating brings out the worst in people.

Meeting someone in real life is much better. But it’s hard. How do you meet someone in real life?! A typical introvert’s social circle is not particularly big (mine consists mainly of married women and gays). And when you’re over 30, who in your workcircle is not already married with kids?

Well, there’s always Larry…larry

Back to Meg Ryan crying…


It guess it’s like Prince said: Until I find my righteous one, computer blue.

Although, I actually have no idea what he meant by that… Oh well, back to my cornflakes.