That Grammarly Advert Is Anoying

Oops, I meant That Grammarly Advert Is Annoying. You know the one I mean, right? What do you mean, they’re all annoying? Ok, you’re right! But this one, especially so!

Backstory: Ok, so, sometimes I’m on YouTube and because YouTube is owned by Satan, they force me to watch these evil advertisements. And despite turning personalized ads off 17 hundred times I still get personalized ads, right? Because: Pfff! So anyway, I get all kinds of crap about… well… Grammarly.

So I keep seeing this ad, right? Follow along now…. while it’s still available…. don’t wanna miss out on the fuuuuun….

Ok, so here’s this lil white hipster with perfect teeth and a rich dad. And she’s like 12 years old, lives in a $1 million apartment and has the whitest name Grammarly could think of: “Lily”. What even-? She’s the new Social Media Manager :slow-fucking-clap: Not the new intern, ok? The new manager. Stay with me. So, there she is at the computer…, “managing”, if we dare call it that :raised eyebrow:

[Scene 1, Act 1]
Lily: La-de-da, type-e-type-e-whitey…

Stereotypically hunky male co-worker with deep husky voice: “Oh no, look, Lily-Wily (can I call you Lily-Wily?), our servers are down! By the way, my name’s Todd, maybe we can go for vanilla milkshakes later at the White Cafe, you know the place, with the white tables and chairs… they serve rice and cauliflower and…. stuff…?” :smouldering look:

Lily’s like: “Sure… but, oh no! The servers are down! How will I cope with the biggest challenge of my life… responding to Twitter comments. Not just any Twitter comments! Twitter comments with angry emojis in them!”

:gasp: The struggle is real.

All she’s doing is responding to twitter comments? She’s a manager and that’s her job?

Is that even a job? Are you srrious? Oops, I mean, serious. (Thank you Grammarly for saving my life :big fake slow-motion smile complete with hair swish:). People get paid to respond to Twitter comments? If she’s the Social Media Manager then what does the Social Media Assistant do? Insert emojis…? Turn the computer on and off again…? Staple shit…?

And “Lily”, by the way, is in an office that doesn’t look like it hires managers on the cheap. I mean, have you seen the expensive furniture and the exotic plants! So…, I can only conclude: she’s on a six-figure salary. To respond to Twitter comments. Okay, whatever! Obviously, long ago (when Grammarly was created), I slipped into some sort of alternate dimension where everything is fucked up.

Ok, now, Grammarly is a load of bullshit because… a, b, c – where do I even begin! Does Grammarly and the people who buy Grammarly not know that most computers have like an automatic spell-checker thingy? I don’t know where it is or exactly who is controlling it… :looks under and behind computer: all I know is when I type stuff on the internet it automatically highlights spelling errors for me like an invisible lil buddy. Aww! Some of my devices even auto-correct. That’s why the term “auto-correct” exists because that is an actual thing that exists… And I’m going to assume most people have this or some other free alternative to Grammarly, because: common sense. And I didn’t have to pay rich white people for it (grammar, nor common sense).

Ok, next thing is, watch the ad closely…. closely… Lily is spending like HALF AN HOUR correcting the FIVE MILLION typos she made. It’s a 4-step process: she has to direct her mouse to the typo, right click, find the correct word (does she even know…? Shhh, don’t distract her, she’s concentrating very very hard…) then click the correct word and “Yay!” she applauds herself for being so goshdarn smart! But she has to do this for every single typo she has and…

Ok, this is the next part that gets me: she made tons of typos in a 160-character comment! Not just one comment either, every.single.comment she wrote! How the hell did she get that job in the first place if her grammar is that bad?

Ok, I’m done. Time for my weekly mental breakdown.

Footnotes:
*I know how to grammar, don’t start with me.
**Some aspects of Grammarly are free but I still think it’s a load of pointless crap, that’s my opinion.
***I’m white and even I get annoyed by how white, white people are! Gotta put my shades on sometimes for I am blinded by the white!

Scam: Save Our Oceans

They want you to buy their Krole and Sons Vintage Traveller’s Watches!

Hey guys. I’ve been away for a while because: my workload is greater than the number of hours in a day. But nothing spurs me on for a blog post quite like assholes on the internet. So I’m back for one day only…

So I’m browzing through Facebook posts this morning and you know these annoying spammy ads they have? Well, I see this one: FREE GIVEAWAY!!! 5000 Krole and Sons Vintage Traveller’s Watches. RRP $79.99!! FREE! ENDS MIDNIGHT! QUICK! BUY BUY BUY!

And the watch looks so nice and exensive and unique. And it’s by a company called Save Our Oceans. They sound so trustworthy and reputable, right? They sound so giving and caring and generous, they want to save our oceans, they want to resuscitate turtles, we must support their cause! And it’s Krole and Sons, that sounds so legit, right? Like some expensive, vintage, family run company that really cares about you, not just your purse.

Anyway…, ok fine, I’m a sucker, I fell for it. Initially! (It said “free!”)

I’m thinking this “giveaway” musta gone already cause they have 5000 available and there’s 1.7k likes so F me, I always miss out on everything! But I click it, right? And hell, it’s still available! Right there, I’m like, “Hmmmmm….., is this a scam?” cause I never catch a break… Buy it’s still saying free so I don’t care! I go through the checkout and it’s like “you have 10 minutes to checkout” so of course I’m thinking, gotta get this, gotta get this, gotta get this. Hurry, hurry! Buy buy buy! But then it says $10.99 for shipping. Hmmm…. but…. the watch is RRP $79.99 so this is still a bargain, right?

But then I think, “Wait a minute…” The 8 minutes I had remaining on checkout gave me enough time to Google this and sure enough it’s a big fat scam. False advertising? Nah, c’mon, that’s too polite. It’s a big fat scam run by big fat crooked con artists who do not give a sh*t about resuscitating turtles! They just want your money! And they want it by MIDNIGHT!

The exact same item is available all over the internet for an average price of 1 dollar. Here’s an example on ebay.com for $1.27 with free p&p. It’s exactly the same item.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Fashion-Men-Women-Watch-Global-Travel-By-Plane-Map-Denim-Fabric-Wrist-Watches-/182350625241?var=&hash=item2a74f1b9d9:m:m1FE8f6wBD63jvlYtzNYD1Q

Save Our Oceans’ Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/Save-Our-Oceans-1720412714898164/) is dedicated not to saving our oceans but to selling cheap costume jewellery at extortionate prices. Take a look yourself and you’ll see constant “giveaways” and “special offers” which claim to be short term but which repeat every few days and no-one seems to notice :twilight zone music:

What can be done about this? Absolutely nothing! We live in a society that favors con artists and punishes people who have a problem with that.

I called them out on their Facebook page as scammy assholes. I even got a message back…, it read:
“Hi Aliquo, This is Ruth from the Save Our Oceans team. Thanks very much for your interest in our Kröle & Sons Vintage Traveler’s Watch. 🙂 I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that this is probably the last day we’re giving them out. Here’s the link to get one if you’re still interested! —> https://goo.gl/N0QorU. Yours, Ruth. Customer Service Manager”.
So obviously they didn’t read my message. Also I imagine they delete any negative comments they get. I didn’t scroll through all 1.3k comments but from the 30 or so I looked at none directly called them out. The closest I saw was: “this sounds too good to be true…”

I reported the page: I don’t know if Facebook actually takes any action from someone reporting a page because they don’t tell you when you click that button. They offer: “to resolve this you can block or hide their posts“. Well I don’t want to do that, I want them to be reported so they stop scamming people.

This is their website: saveouroceansnow.com where you can find many more items at extortionate prices which are available on ebay for 99c + free p&p. They also do “giveaways” and “special offers” there: get it now! Quick quick! Offer ends midnight! Last one! Quick quick! Buying over-priced costume jewellery saves turtles! Buy buy buy! Only $10.99 for shipping and handling!

“Are you passionate about our oceans? So are we!” Awwwww… so fake! Bye bye bye!