That Grammarly Advert Is Anoying

Oops, I meant That Grammarly Advert Is Annoying. You know the one I mean, right? What do you mean, they’re all annoying? Ok, you’re right! But this one, especially so!

Backstory: Ok, so, sometimes I’m on YouTube and because YouTube is owned by Satan, they force me to watch these evil advertisements. And despite turning personalized ads off 17 hundred times I still get personalized ads, right? Because: Pfff! So anyway, I get all kinds of crap about… well… Grammarly.

So I keep seeing this ad, right? Follow along now…. while it’s still available…. don’t wanna miss out on the fuuuuun….

Ok, so here’s this lil white hipster with perfect teeth and a rich dad. And she’s like 12 years old, lives in a $1 million apartment and has the whitest name Grammarly could think of: “Lily”. What even-? She’s the new Social Media Manager :slow-fucking-clap: Not the new intern, ok? The new manager. Stay with me. So, there she is at the computer…, “managing”, if we dare call it that :raised eyebrow:

[Scene 1, Act 1]
Lily: La-de-da, type-e-type-e-whitey…

Stereotypically hunky male co-worker with deep husky voice: “Oh no, look, Lily-Wily (can I call you Lily-Wily?), our servers are down! By the way, my name’s Todd, maybe we can go for vanilla milkshakes later at the White Cafe, you know the place, with the white tables and chairs… they serve rice and cauliflower and…. stuff…?” :smouldering look:

Lily’s like: “Sure… but, oh no! The servers are down! How will I cope with the biggest challenge of my life… responding to Twitter comments. Not just any Twitter comments! Twitter comments with angry emojis in them!”

:gasp: The struggle is real.

All she’s doing is responding to twitter comments? She’s a manager and that’s her job?

Is that even a job? Are you srrious? Oops, I mean, serious. (Thank you Grammarly for saving my life :big fake slow-motion smile complete with hair swish:). People get paid to respond to Twitter comments? If she’s the Social Media Manager then what does the Social Media Assistant do? Insert emojis…? Turn the computer on and off again…? Staple shit…?

And “Lily”, by the way, is in an office that doesn’t look like it hires managers on the cheap. I mean, have you seen the expensive furniture and the exotic plants! So…, I can only conclude: she’s on a six-figure salary. To respond to Twitter comments. Okay, whatever! Obviously, long ago (when Grammarly was created), I slipped into some sort of alternate dimension where everything is fucked up.

Ok, now, Grammarly is a load of bullshit because… a, b, c – where do I even begin! Does Grammarly and the people who buy Grammarly not know that most computers have like an automatic spell-checker thingy? I don’t know where it is or exactly who is controlling it… :looks under and behind computer: all I know is when I type stuff on the internet it automatically highlights spelling errors for me like an invisible lil buddy. Aww! Some of my devices even auto-correct. That’s why the term “auto-correct” exists because that is an actual thing that exists… And I’m going to assume most people have this or some other free alternative to Grammarly, because: common sense. And I didn’t have to pay rich white people for it (grammar, nor common sense).

Ok, next thing is, watch the ad closely…. closely… Lily is spending like HALF AN HOUR correcting the FIVE MILLION typos she made. It’s a 4-step process: she has to direct her mouse to the typo, right click, find the correct word (does she even know…? Shhh, don’t distract her, she’s concentrating very very hard…) then click the correct word and “Yay!” she applauds herself for being so goshdarn smart! But she has to do this for every single typo she has and…

Ok, this is the next part that gets me: she made tons of typos in a 160-character comment! Not just one comment either, every.single.comment she wrote! How the hell did she get that job in the first place if her grammar is that bad?

Ok, I’m done. Time for my weekly mental breakdown.

Footnotes:
*I know how to grammar, don’t start with me.
**Some aspects of Grammarly are free but I still think it’s a load of pointless crap, that’s my opinion.
***I’m white and even I get annoyed by how white, white people are! Gotta put my shades on sometimes for I am blinded by the white!

A Year Without You Here (I Still Miss Prince)

I was checking through news features earlier today and saw articles about the Queen’s birthday. Then I realized, “If it’s the Queen’s birthday then…” It must also be a year since Prince died.

Since Prince “transformed” on April 21 2016, I don’t often Google him or twitter search for him or YouTube him, in fact I had to dump the few Prince fan friends I had because every time one of them mentioned Prince I would cry into my cappuccino. I just couldn’t deal with hearing about him. I still can’t listen to his music. Nothing Compares to You has me bawling on the floor in the supermarket. And it’s so weird hearing Prince music in public places now he’s not alive to sue us all for playing his music. God, I wish he was alive to sue us all for playing his music! I miss those crazy days!

But it’s ok to grieve over dead rock stars because we can do and feel whatever we want. Rules of behaviour are just imaginary things people made up! If you wanna feel sad about something, go ahead, it’s none of anybody else’s business. People usually don’t understand until they go through it themselves and everyone has a beloved rock star or actor whether they realise it yet or not.

If you’re an old-school, hard-core fan who grew up with Prince, I got the utmost love and respect for you. You guys are the original gangsters. Prince was your youth and that’s bound to make his loss more painful.

I still miss him like crazy. I mean, hell, I’ve cried over this little punk more than I’ve ever cried over anything, ever. I could’ve replenished Lake Minnetonka with my tears, man! I could talk about his talent here and what a loss it is to the world, but if there’s one thing everybody agrees on, it’s that Prince was a helluva talented guy. It goes without saying what a loss that is.

For me personally, his death has led me to completely change my life. I quit my job, went back to university, fell in love and now have many scary-exciting plans lines up for the near future. Something about losing someone forces us to face our own mortality. Someday soon we’ll be forever silent and what do we want to leave with the world as our legacy?

We may not be as talented and successful as Prince, but doesn’t mean we can’t make the world a better place in our own small lil way. Prince certainly did; he changed the world of music forever and his legacy will last a long, long time. I’m sure he’s out there somewhere, exploring the moonbeam levels. And I know we’ll see him again because we were all born in the heart of stars and someday we will find our way back home.

Until then,
Peace and Be Wild.

Yes, There Are Missing Girls In Washington D.C

0325-missing-girls-metro-pd-2-1200x630If you’re on social media, you may have seen an article doing the rounds with the title: “WHERE IS THE MEDIA?: At Least 25 Black Teen Girls Are Missing In D.C Since Feb 1st!”

Is it true? Not exactly… but it’s not far off. Yes, there are missing girls in Washington D.C but behind the headlines there’s more than meets the eye.

First of all, let’s take a minute to remember that the media is an evil distraction factory and a poor substitute for the police. We should not be outraged about ‘where the media is’ because the media is not a government department and does not find missing children, it merely reports skewed facts about missing children and feeds off public hysteria.

What we need to look at is the Washington DC Police Department. Now, a big reason for the sudden interest in missing black children is that this year the Washington Metropolitan Police Department started publishing missing person notices on their Twitter feed. Because of this people have more awareness of these missing person cases, which is a good thing, but people don’t seem to realize these are normal levels of missing person cases. This is not the Twilight Zone, these are just average stats for any major U.S city. Also because of the demographics of Washington DC, which has a majority black population, it’s likely to have more missing black people than other races.

Worldwide, an average of 85,000 people are missing at any given time (NamUs 2016), around 50% are typically white adult males with black people making up 37% globally and minors 40% (USA Today 2014). Around 12,000 people are currently missing in the U.S (NamUS 2016).

Back over in Washington DC, so far this year the Metropolitan Police Dept have logged 774 missing people cases (501 juveniles and 273 adults), of which only 38 currently remain unresolved. On the other hand, the Washington PD solved 736 missing person cases in the last 3 months alone, and 479 missing minors were found. It’s so easy to focus on the negatives and forget all the hard work the Washington police department puts into protecting its community.

As you might imagine, the figures for missing people change frequently as citizens are found or others go missing. The good news is the stats represent a steady drop in missing person cases since 2015 and the Washington PD reports only 9 remaining unresolved cases between 2012-2016, so the vast majority of people who go missing each year in the state are found.

Most young people who are reported missing are runaways and turn up soon after being reported, with very few cases remaining unsolved. However, many social media users worry that missing black girls will be trafficked. Unfortunately, there are no official figures on human trafficking in the US because cases are rarely reported or known, but no doubt young girls and particularly girls of ethnic minorities are more at risk of being trafficked or prostituted and further at risk of violence because of socio-economic factors which affect girls and people of color in the US.

“Our frustration is, we deal with a very desensitized public,” says Robert Lowry of The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. “The natural inclination is that the child’s behavioral problem is why they’ve left.” But sometimes these children are running away from “abuse or neglect or sexual abuse in the home”.

Of the 38 people missing in D.C, 22 are minors and 18 of them are listed as ‘critically 1490360160673missing’: “A critically missing child is one who is at an elevated risk of danger… A child’s age or mental/physical condition can be factors in determining whether a child is deemed to be critically missing” (NCMEC 2016).

“What the community is alarmed about,” says DC City Councilmember Trayon White, “[is] we had a 10-year-old girl missing the other day, but there was no amber alert.” White feels this was due to the child being black, although the strict guidelines of when a child can be considered to qualify for an amber alert may have affected the level of support received in this case. “AMBER plans require law enforcement to confirm an abduction prior to issuing an alert” (Office of Justice Programs 2017).

All in all, the conversation about missing children and the treatment of ethnic minorities is an important one and never unwarranted. “We applaud the conversation and we applaud the attention that this issue is being given” (Robert Lowry, NCMEC). It also appears that, with the current climate of anti-police sentiments and racial tension, police departments in the US have a long way to go in terms of building and maintaining public trust.