Accepting Defeat (drawing challenge)

(*That’s the state of my pencil after this week!) Well, on my side of the world, there’s like 2 hours left of the #OneWeek100People2017 challenge to draw 100 people in 5 days and – eh – I give up! Actually, I gave up on Thursday after number 65 just looked like a scribble. I only got 10 people drawn on Wednesday so on Thursday I thought, gee, I gotta do 30 people! I was about 10 in and realized that far from improving my drawing, I was actually getting considerably worse.

I’m not at the skill level where I can accurately draw a person in 5 minutes, I’m still learning proportions and stuff so… I give up! I’m done! I’m handing in my glove! (Or is that pencil…?) Drawing more does not automatically mean drawing better. I don’t know the methodology of drawing people so…. I think I need to learn more about actual techniques before I can improve.

It has been an interesting experience though and I’ve enjoyed seeing other (better) people’s work this week and getting to chat and connect with some cool artists. Well done to those of you who have stuck with the challenge. I think I’m gonna put my pencils away for a while since I have a lot of teaching work to do over the next few weeks and need to catch up with my other interests: Python coding and writing.

Hope y’all have a great weekend!

Trying to Finish My Stupid Book

I’ve been writing this stupid book for the past four years and every year I tell myself it’ll be done for my birthday in summer (that year). Four years later, it’s still not done and I’m super-p*ssed with myself. Of course, I’m very busy with my life now because I’m doing teacher training but I wasn’t particularly busy 2 years ago and don’t understand why I didn’t get my act together and finish it then. I mean, it should have only taken a year for Christ’s sake! Gah, why do I  suck at everything?!

Now, because my schedule is so crazy, I struggle to find time to work on it. But, I really, really want it to be done before my birthday because I don’t want to go another year saying….”next summer…” and I would feel like the biggest loser ever! But I’ve only got a few months to finish it – how da fuq!?

One of my wishes for my 30s was to write a book every year. I’m behind with that schedule but if I could get this book out before my 32nd birthday then……… if I write 2 in my 32nd year…….. (Lol, like if I suddenly get a rocket up my ass!) then…..I can catch up, right?!

Anyone got a rocket I can borrow?

Goals have become important to me in my 30s because I had loads of goals in my 20s that I never achieved and I ended up just procrastinating my 20s away – Damn! Damn! Damn! – I wasted the best years of my life, what an ass!

So this is why it’s so important for me to get the book done before my birthday. And, no, it’s not about selling copies or getting accolades or whatever. Besides, I write non-fiction, which everyone hates so it’s not about popularity either. It’s about personal achievement, self-fulfilment… I just want to have a nice stack of books that I wrote and I can show them off to…. erm… my cat. Sagan would be seriously impressed (if he lives long enough to see this happen…).

But I’m still not as motivated as I need to be. I don’t know where some people find the time to do 500 things at once! Even when I try, I’m just not a quick worker! One guy I know does so many things with his time and I wish I could observe him to see how he fits it all in. He must just throw everything together. But he must! Because: how da fuq?! Maybe that’s what I need to do…. How do you do that? The irony is my work often looks thrown together anyway even though I spend a thousand hours on it, so I guess I should try it.I probably need to change my whole approach and attitude but I have no idea how to do that…